Ever had that “stop the world – I want to get off!!” feeling? That’s where I’m at right now. Am I dealing with catastrophes of epic proportions? No. Am I ending world hunger? Am I curing horrible diseases? Fighting crime? No, no and no. I am an average girl with a more than average amount of work and activities on her plate.

I feel that all of the social and professional aspects of my life are about to collide tomorrow. What has triggered this feeling? Nothing more than an invitation to dinner with friends. Why is this such a big deal? It’s a big deal because I know I should be taking care of other things tomorrow when I get home from work. We’re about to go out of town for a marathon…my first marathon that I’ve been training for months to get to. Also, I still have an exceptional amount of work to do outside of my full-time job.

My ever-lovin’ man knows how much work I have to do and always runs plans by me before committing to anything. That’s not the problem. The real issue is that I feel like I’m always saying ‘no’ to doing fun stuff. He knew there would be times where my consulting would have to be the primary activity. I am the real problem here. I just hate saying no to him! Half the time I end up with a wishy-washy ‘maybe’. Now, how fair is that to all concerned? Not very. So, once again, I try to put my head down and get to work.

As a side note, I feel that my blogging is unclogging my filter to the point where I am almost feeling productive. That’s not to say that the filter is clean – far from it. Let’s just say that it is functional. I am able to organize my thoughts and get down to writing now.

Gorgeous hair, sensational skin and a satisfied tummy? No, it’s not shampoo or a monster bag of movie popcorn. It’s the wunderkind of all fruits – the Avocado. If you’d like to skip my enlightening comments, I suggest you go straight to the “I eat avos” section of the Australian Avocados website. The link can be found in my Blogroll. Don’t forget to get your beauty recipes while you’re there. There are countless sites that are all about avocados out there, but I found this site to be more fun and interactive than others. (FYI: the last time I popped the word “avocado” into my favorite search engine, it turned up almost 10 million results!) Now, is it really worth my time to write a whole Food for thought segment? You bet your granny-panties and boxer shorts on it!

It’s loaded with fat…

This little guy often has the dark cloud of “fattening” hanging over his head. However, his monounsaturated fat is the kind that will help you lose yours. Satisfying and full of fibre, adding an avocado to your diet will help you steer clear of your favorite greasy snack.

Rock hard Avo? Just go bananas!

Follow the link above for an excellent fruit selection guide. If you don’t believe the bit about cozying your avos up to bananas, let me tell you a little story. Before doing some serious reading on my favorite snack, I had a couple of avocados at home that were too hard to eat. So, I put them next to the bananas in the fruit dish on my counter and didn’t give them another thought for the better part of a week. I grabbed one for a snack one day and noticed how soft it was. The next day, I went to get the other one only to find my little bumpy friend sporting a beard. Now knowing that Mr. Avo goes weak in the knees for Ms. B, I am buying fruit that are very firm so I can soften them at will. They keep in the refrigerator quite well without going soft as fast as when they’re with their yellow-skinned friends.

Mirror, mirror…

These days, there are more beauty products containing some form of the avocado than I could possibly mention. Do you need to buy these products to receive the benefits? No! Just go to the supermarket and buy some avocados and test out a couple of home-spun concoctions…and have a snack at the same time. Again, there are some great tips and recipes on the Australian Avocados website, under “Beauty” (and that’s what you’ll be when you’re finished pampering yourself – a real beauty!).

A word of caution… (a.k.a. Covering my Ass)

Please remember that adventures are always exciting, however, the best adventures are the ones where no one gets hives! If you have never eaten and avocado or used it as a beauty treatment, remember to do a patch/sensitivity test before embarking on a three-day avocado spa binge. Also, if you have any four-legged friends or other pets, please be aware that avocados are toxic to non-humans! (Please see “Toxicity” at the Wiki for Avocados.)

I belong to the most wonderful charitable organization (WCO) on this planet (which shall remain nameless). I’ll sum it up to say that a large percentage of the clubs that belong to the WCO are run by…you guessed it…men. This is not going to be an “all men are scum and are not worth their skin” discussion. This is about the way men choose to use their brains.

Since this WCO is worldwide and there are people from all walks of life who belong, you would think that there would be a bunch of savy people running the show. NOT TRUE! I, thankfully, belong to one of the more open-minded groups that supports women in the membership and understands the need for representation at the upper levels. There are other groups who, sadly are still allowed to continue as if they were in the dark ages.

This behavior has not gone unnoticed. From what I hear, some groups who discourage and turn away women have promptly had their pee-pees slapped for not having any women on the roster. Read this as me commending the “Big Brother” of this WCO for correcting this behavior. But, even Buckley’s has a temporary effect on a bad cough. It is still going on! Some folks in this volunteer base believe that only retired geriatrics have the sense and time to commit fully to a group that requires commitment nothing short of vocation. How wrong they are! Case and point to follow:

As I embarked on a new gainfully employed adventure, I made it clear that I would need flexibility in my work schedule to accomodate my volunteer activities. This company does allow its employees this type of flexibility and my schedule already works to my advantage. I have large blocks of time away from work that fall in nicely with my meetings and activities. I assure you that I am neither retired nor geriatric. I simply have a giving spirit and a dedication to improving our global community. Show people the way to volunteer and I assure you, they will make the time.

Now folks, I’m not talking community service, here. I’m talking about 85% fun activities and 15% onerous tasks for the average member. These folks raise an unbelievable amount of money locally and it gets distributed globally. Who doesn’t want to help save part of the world? (If you just answered “I don’t”, it’s time for you to leave and go crawl back under your nice, cold rock.) So I ask, why should the men have all the fun and glory?

There appears to be a movement amongst the women of this WCO. Hopefully it will prompt some of the closed-minded geriatric men into having a cerebral bowel movement. In other words, “Hey old guy!! Clean the crap out of your ears and listen to the skirts!” We are all civilized and no one is threatening to become militant about the treatment of women at the WCO. The sexist “you birth babies, therefore you are unable to do what should be left to the men folk” attitude must be changed. C-h-a-n-g-e…look it up.

Nutrition is a very complex subject and one that I do not claim to be an expert in. I must say though, that I have a solid grasp (through some formal education and a lifetime of reading) on what should and should not go into my body. Having said that, I know many individuals whose grasp on the subject is as firm as a tub of Jell-o.

Example of what not to do for weight loss:

1. Two or three large meals per day.
It’s called portion control, people. Small, frequent meals (read: 5 or 6 small meals) will stimulate your appetite and keep you feeling more energetic than a large meal will. If you keep feeding the fire with small logs, you’ll get a consistent flame. Put a whole tree-trunk on the fire…you get the picture. The idea is to keep the fire stoked, not choked.

2. A high-fat, no carb, high-protein heart-attack “diet”. Bacon is not the miracle weight-loss food.
Let’s get one thing straight before we go any further…”diet” is not something you go on for a while, it is what you eat every day. This is for those on one of those high-protein, low carbohydrate “diet” that encourages ketosis (you know who you are). Your “diet” is whatever you eat. First, do some research on ketosis – it could save your life. Second, carbohydrates are necessary for your body and brain to function. Without them, you’ll have the brain power of your favorite house plant and the personality to match. The only things I would suggest avoiding are large quantities of refined sugar and highly processed foods (packaged meals and sauces). These should be kept to a minimum as they often contain excess salt, MSG and preservatives. Eat fresh food – you are what you eat!

3. Don’t be ignorant. Know what you’re eating.
Years ago when I was a server in a restaurant, I had a table of “Ladies Who Lunch” dine in my section. Their conversation steered its way to what were the healthier things they could have on the menu. The largest of the ladies looked at her friends with a big, I-know-the-best-answer smile and proceeded to order. “I’ll have the large Caesar salad…with a couple of extra sides of dressing.” This restaurant’s Caesar salad, which is probably one of the tastiest in any restaurant, comes with a slab of focaccia large enough to sink the Titanic. Since I had been privy to their discussion, as they had kept me at their table for 10 minutes while they debated the virtues of fries over creamy clam chowder (during a very busy lunch hour), I felt as though I had earned my say in her choice. The restaurant in question has a very regimented training program that involves each server knowing exactly what goes into each menu item. So, I took the liberty of telling Loud-Know-It-All woman “if you’re debating fries or that salad, you’re almost better off going with the fries! Do you know what is in that dressing?” I then proceeded to educate her about the virtues of Caesar salad dressing. If you didn’t know, the usual main ingredients are eggs and oil. By the way, that’s what you find in mayonnaise, too. So, she was not happy at being proven wrong in front of her LWL. Really, the fries were probably healthier in that particular instance. Did you know that one egg yolk contains approximately 8 grams of fat and more that the RDA of cholesterol? Nothing against eggs, just know what you’re eating and how much of it.

4. Stop kidding yourself: One hour of excercise is not equal to one tub of ice cream.
I believe in having a cheat day, or not giving up your favorite little treat. Just remember to put it into perspective. If you spend all of your time in the gym and go home, only to drink a 6-pack of beer and eat tv dinners every day, what do you think will happen? Umm…again – review the title of #4.

5. I can’t <enter excuse here>…
If you say you can, you will. If you say you can’t, you won’t. Who’s fault is that? Nobody but yours. I didn’t see anyone duct-tape your ass to your desk and force-feed you that Krispy Kreme you had for breakfast….

Parting remarks for Part 1
You only get one shot at this…only one body for your whole life. Imagine yourself, 10 years from now. What do you see? This is not just about body-image and being a size 0. This is your health and quality of life we’re talking about.

1. I am behind the proverbial ‘eight ball’.

Am I experiencing some sort of writer’s block? I seem to have no problem spewing forth words unrelated to my current project at the moment. In hopes of getting my brain back on track, I’ve been examining what I seem to be having problems with. If this doesn’t work, I’ve got a lovely bottle of vino with my name on it…

And who got me there? I am responsible for my own actions, but need some other folks to be accountable for theirs. It seems lately, I’ve been feeling cheated of precious time. Time to sleep, time to eat and time to cuddle. Overwhelming selfishness has made me cling to the things that bring joy to my every day. Have I been entirely successful in my selfishness? No. My procrastination has led to feelings of guilt (that’s another page in my story altogether) and a general lack of confidence in my abilities. Hence, being completely stuck in an undesirable state of spinning my wheels. That’s fine if it’s only my life that is being affected, but others are depending on me to be a shining star. The only thing I feel like at the moment is a stellar retard.

2. Tense, tense, tense.

I feel mentally constipated. All of the information in my head wants out all at once. This afternoon, some of it finally found an outlet by means of a conversation with my ever-understanding-and-adoring man. I don’t think the guy has a single tense bone in his body, which is a perfect balance for my inner worry-wart. I know what cures constipation though…running! That’s tomorrow’s outlet.

3. ZZZzzzzz…eh, what?

I am tired of being pulled in too many directions. See #1.

Okay, I am beginning to feel a little less congested in the cranium. I know that some great vino could give me a whole new perspective on the situation, but would I be any further ahead? Perhaps another night…one where no real work needs to be done.

This is the section dedicated to putting some love back into the world. I am not a religious person by any stretch, but these principles do fall in line with my beliefs. The concepts of Ahimsa and Maitri are things I have been practicing for years. Yes, I said practicing, not perfecting. As they say, practice makes perfect. I have explained in other sections of The Faulty Filter, I make no apologies for my views. This is my effort to balance the darkness with some sunshine.

These sanskrit words are often bandied about in yoga classes and are introduced to have students be kind to themselves and those around them. I do believe that positive thinking and affirmations do make a difference. One should start to change the world by changing their world.

Therefore, this is my beginning to changing my world. What you do with yours is entirely up to you.

Someone wise once said told me that when most people pray, they say “please give me…”, which sounds an awful lot like begging for what they want. Instead of sounding like a whiner, a better approach is to say “thank-you for giving me…” to the Universe as a way of manifesting what you desire. It’s like believing it already is to make it real. So, here it is folks. This is me thanking the Universe for giving me a filter. What kind of filter you ask? A coffee filter? An air filter? An oil filter? No. The filter I speak of is the invisible one that sits between your brain and your mouth…or keyboard. Whatever. For the most part, I have full control over my filter. However, everyone knows that filters often become clogged and cease to work as expected. This leads to the question “Is my filter truly faulty then, or is it simply clogged?”. The answer is a definitive “no”. This blog is my way of ensuring that my real-time filter stays clean and does not fail me when I need it most.

A good friend of mine is the inspiration for this blog. When she shared her blog with me, I felt as though I had been shown the ultimate cleaner for my filter. You see, my filter has been so bunged up of late that the crap has been spilling over with no where to go but undeserving conversations with friends and colleagues. Don’t get me wrong – I do speak my mind frequently (perhaps too frequently), but not all things should be said that pass out of your mind. This blog is where, I hope, most of those sentiments will end up.

I invite your comments. If this site makes you laugh, cry or have an “aha!” moment, this will all be worthwhile. However, please believe me when I say that I do not invite your opinions on my saying what most think should not be said. I am writing things here so they don’t end up in the wrong conversations. Other than that, I wish you all free-will and the happiness that it brings.

Sincerely,

The Green-Eyed Monster (aka GEM)