Ever had that “stop the world – I want to get off!!” feeling? That’s where I’m at right now. Am I dealing with catastrophes of epic proportions? No. Am I ending world hunger? Am I curing horrible diseases? Fighting crime? No, no and no. I am an average girl with a more than average amount of work and activities on her plate.

I feel that all of the social and professional aspects of my life are about to collide tomorrow. What has triggered this feeling? Nothing more than an invitation to dinner with friends. Why is this such a big deal? It’s a big deal because I know I should be taking care of other things tomorrow when I get home from work. We’re about to go out of town for a marathon…my first marathon that I’ve been training for months to get to. Also, I still have an exceptional amount of work to do outside of my full-time job.

My ever-lovin’ man knows how much work I have to do and always runs plans by me before committing to anything. That’s not the problem. The real issue is that I feel like I’m always saying ‘no’ to doing fun stuff. He knew there would be times where my consulting would have to be the primary activity. I am the real problem here. I just hate saying no to him! Half the time I end up with a wishy-washy ‘maybe’. Now, how fair is that to all concerned? Not very. So, once again, I try to put my head down and get to work.

As a side note, I feel that my blogging is unclogging my filter to the point where I am almost feeling productive. That’s not to say that the filter is clean – far from it. Let’s just say that it is functional. I am able to organize my thoughts and get down to writing now.

1. I am behind the proverbial ‘eight ball’.

Am I experiencing some sort of writer’s block? I seem to have no problem spewing forth words unrelated to my current project at the moment. In hopes of getting my brain back on track, I’ve been examining what I seem to be having problems with. If this doesn’t work, I’ve got a lovely bottle of vino with my name on it…

And who got me there? I am responsible for my own actions, but need some other folks to be accountable for theirs. It seems lately, I’ve been feeling cheated of precious time. Time to sleep, time to eat and time to cuddle. Overwhelming selfishness has made me cling to the things that bring joy to my every day. Have I been entirely successful in my selfishness? No. My procrastination has led to feelings of guilt (that’s another page in my story altogether) and a general lack of confidence in my abilities. Hence, being completely stuck in an undesirable state of spinning my wheels. That’s fine if it’s only my life that is being affected, but others are depending on me to be a shining star. The only thing I feel like at the moment is a stellar retard.

2. Tense, tense, tense.

I feel mentally constipated. All of the information in my head wants out all at once. This afternoon, some of it finally found an outlet by means of a conversation with my ever-understanding-and-adoring man. I don’t think the guy has a single tense bone in his body, which is a perfect balance for my inner worry-wart. I know what cures constipation though…running! That’s tomorrow’s outlet.

3. ZZZzzzzz…eh, what?

I am tired of being pulled in too many directions. See #1.

Okay, I am beginning to feel a little less congested in the cranium. I know that some great vino could give me a whole new perspective on the situation, but would I be any further ahead? Perhaps another night…one where no real work needs to be done.

Someone wise once said told me that when most people pray, they say “please give me…”, which sounds an awful lot like begging for what they want. Instead of sounding like a whiner, a better approach is to say “thank-you for giving me…” to the Universe as a way of manifesting what you desire. It’s like believing it already is to make it real. So, here it is folks. This is me thanking the Universe for giving me a filter. What kind of filter you ask? A coffee filter? An air filter? An oil filter? No. The filter I speak of is the invisible one that sits between your brain and your mouth…or keyboard. Whatever. For the most part, I have full control over my filter. However, everyone knows that filters often become clogged and cease to work as expected. This leads to the question “Is my filter truly faulty then, or is it simply clogged?”. The answer is a definitive “no”. This blog is my way of ensuring that my real-time filter stays clean and does not fail me when I need it most.

A good friend of mine is the inspiration for this blog. When she shared her blog with me, I felt as though I had been shown the ultimate cleaner for my filter. You see, my filter has been so bunged up of late that the crap has been spilling over with no where to go but undeserving conversations with friends and colleagues. Don’t get me wrong – I do speak my mind frequently (perhaps too frequently), but not all things should be said that pass out of your mind. This blog is where, I hope, most of those sentiments will end up.

I invite your comments. If this site makes you laugh, cry or have an “aha!” moment, this will all be worthwhile. However, please believe me when I say that I do not invite your opinions on my saying what most think should not be said. I am writing things here so they don’t end up in the wrong conversations. Other than that, I wish you all free-will and the happiness that it brings.

Sincerely,

The Green-Eyed Monster (aka GEM)