The Faulty Filter











“Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat”…but I’m not planning getting fat! ‘Tis the season of cookies and cakes, eggnog and
overindulgence. I love my Christmas treats as much as the next gal, but this year I am on a mission: to stay on track with my fitness goals and not gain a pound over the holidays. Not only is there strength in putting pen to paper (or in this case, finger to keyboard) to express my vision of a happy, svelte me in the New Year, but I have secret weapons in my armada that make me feel good about myself and satisfied at the same time. These snacks will leave your guests feeling guilty, but you’ll know the truth. Can it be true? Is there more wisdom contained in the annals of the Filter? By golly, yes!

**Disclaimer and Warning: The following recipes may contain nuts. If you, your kid, your brother, sister, parent, dog, mother’s-cousin’s-aunt’s-daughter’s parakeet is allergic to nuts…OMIT them! The Faulty Filter will not be held responsible for you stupidly feeding your loved-ones substances that may be toxic to them! (Read: Don’t put nuts in the food, dumbass.)***

Not Your Average Turkey Salad

1 can reduced-salt turkey flakes, drained (or the real stuff after the holidays)
1 stalk celery, finely chopped
1 dill pickle, finely chopped
Dried cranberries (not those “Craisin” things as they have added sugar)
Slivered almonds or sliced filberts (hazelnuts, to you culinary neophytes)
Ultra Low-fat Miracle Whip
Celery salt
Poultry Seasoning (Contains Marjoram, Savory, Thyme and Black Pepper)
Fresh ground pepper (Yes, you do need this. Even though the PS contains pepper, the freshly ground stuff adds a different taste altogether.)
Whole Wheat or Multigrain Pita Bread

Mix ingredients to desired consistency and flavor. To me, it tastes like good ol’ turkey stuffing when it’s all done. This is great in a pita, for canape stuffing, on a salad or on it’s own. How good is it? Suffice it to say that it left my co-worker salivating…

Terrific Tuna Melts

1 can tuna
1 stalk celery, finely chopped
1 dill pickle, finely chopped
Ultra Low-fat Miracle Whip
Prepared Horseradish
Celery salt
Dill
Fresh ground pepper
Sharp cheese, thin slices or grated (suggestions: Parmesan, Monterey Jack, Emmenthal, Gruyere or Aged White Cheddar)
Whole Wheat or Multigrain Pita Bread

Mix ingredients to desired consistency and flavor. Spread mixture on the pita and cover evenly with the cheese. Place in a toaster or regular oven until cheese melts and finish under the broiler to brown the cheese. You’ll know it’s ready when the cheese is bubbly in the middle.

My favorite combo is Emmenthal and Gruyere together. If these don’t appeal to you, just pick your favorite strong cheese. The secret here is that you use less of a more pungent cheese than a mild cheese to achieve the same flavor. This too is great stuffed on the inside of a pita served cold. This can also become canape stuffing, a salad topping, or on it’s own.

Super Fast Spinach Dip

1 package frozen chopped spinach, thawed in cold water and drained
1 cup Ultra Low-Fat Miracle Whip
1 cup Fat-Free Sour Cream
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 can sliced water chestnuts, drained and finely chopped
1 envelope Knorr Vegetable Soup Mix
1 Round Sourdough Bread Loaf, top cut off and loaf hollowed. Reserve bread for dipping.
Fresh ground pepper

Mix ingredients together and put in the hollowed loaf. Serve with the bread removed from the loaf and other crackers or pita bread. This is the fastest thing to make, but does taste better if it can be refrigerated overnight prior to serving. If you have the time, to make it the day before, put the dip in a plastic container until it is time to serve. This will save your bread from getting soggy. This is also great for canape stuffing, a salad topping, or on it’s own.

Note the theme here: these three have multiple uses and can be prepared ahead of time. Spend one hour making these beauties and have lunches for the whole week! This recipe is courtesy of a super gal who is now a super-mom!

Last, but not least….. a little sweet to finish it off. This is the best fudge I have ever had, but remember: a little piece goes a long way. I cannot claim any credit for this recipe – it is a classic Eagle Brand Magic Milk recipe. My only contribution is using the low-fat Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk, which does add some social redeeming value to the fudge, but it is still fudge.

Magic French Fudge

3 cups semi sweet chocolate chips
1 can Low-Fat Eagle Brand condensed milk
Dash salt (1/8 tsp. – 1/4 tsp.)
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 c. chopped nuts

In the top of a double boiler, melt chocolate chips over boiling water, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat. Stir in Eagle Brand milk, salt, vanilla and nuts. Spread mixture evenly onto waxed paper lined 8″x 8″ pan. Chill 2 hours or until firm. Turn fudge onto cutting board, peel off paper and cut into squares. Store in an air tight container.

Whatever you end up doing to this recipe, do not omit the salt! Fudge without salt is like pizza without cheese. The small amount of salt used is essential to balancing the sweetness of the chocolate and sweetened condensed milk. Trust me, it will not make you grow cankles overnight, or wake up looking like the Goodyear Blimp. As a suggestion for portion-control, use a larger, rectangular pan and spread the fudge in a thin layer on the waxed paper. After the fudge has set, cut it into rectangles, then again on the diagonal to make triangles or points. The best tool for this job is a sharp, non-serrated knife (like a chef’s knife). This makes a nice embellishment to other fancy deserts, or served with a cup of your favorite coffee.



Having a hard time finding snacks that are both interesting and healthy? I run into that one all the time. So, I’ve decided to compile a list of my favorite snackages that come in interesting packages…or no package at all!

1. Avocado Power!

Okay, let’s start with the subject of FFT…Part 2; our bumpy little green friend the avocado. While most people equate avocados with guacamole and end it there, I offer you a few easy, low-prep alternatives. If you don’t know the simplest way to navigate to the yummy parts (flesh) of the avo, read on for a couple of quick tips.

Avocado Preparation Tips

* Have a sharp knife and a spoon on hand before you start.

* Cut the avo from the tip to the bottom and back around to the tip. Chef’s knives are brilliant for this because the blade will get all the way down to the large seed in the middle.

* Twist each half in opposite directions and they will separate. To remove the seed, either pry it out with the spoon, or give it a good whack with the chef’s knife and twist it out. (PLEASE be careful when handling any sharp kitchen tools!)

Now that you’ve got two beautiful halves, what next? If you wish to slice up the avo, I suggest you first run your spoon along the inside of the skin to loosen the flesh and remove it from its shell. That yields the most aesthetically pleasing result, particularly if you are using your avo as a pretty garnish. Once sliced up, try your avo on some toast or pita bread. I find this just as satisfying as cream cheese.

If you’re just feeling the need to eat something green, use the cavity left by the seed as a built in sauce dish and pour some soy sauce in, grab your spoon and have at ‘er! If soy is not your thing, try lemon juice, worchestershire sauce, salsa or whatever tickles your tastebuds.

Guacamole is always best when it’s made fresh, so if you’ve only ever bought it at your favorite grocery store, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to make. If you’ve never had the pleasure of eating guacamole before, you are in for a treat! (**Please note that no self-respecting guac contains yogurt or sour cream!! This is sacrilege punishable by death.**)

Start with the basic ingredients:

1 ripe avocado
Ground cumin
Salt
Lemon or lime juice
1 or 2 cloves fresh garlic

Start by mashing the avocado with a fork, press the garlic into the same bowl (I’d start with one clove) and mix together. Add small amounts of cumin and juice to the mix and adjust seasoning to taste (if you are not sure how much to start with, 1 tbsp juice and 1 tsp cumin should be a safe start). Add a little salt at the end and voila! All ready to scoop with some of those yummy baked tortilla chips (see below for my picks on baked chippy things).

If you’re feeling adventurous, try adding some freshly chopped tomato, jalapenos, onions or cayenne pepper. Start with small quantities and remember that the flavor will intensify if it is stored before being eaten. You can always add more, but it is nearly impossible to remove too much spice, short of adding another avo.

Storing Mr. Avo

Your new-found green friend does not like to be exposed to air for very long. The best way to stop your avo from turning brown is to cover the surface with plastic wrap. Yep, press the plastic lightly to remove small airspaces from the surface of the avo/dip that you wish to refrigerate. Guac seems to enjoy having the seed put in the bottom of the bowl as well to help preserve it. Although lemon/lime juice will help to keep it fresh, the plastic wrap works best to stop it turning brown.

2. Hummuna Hummuna Hummus

This is the chickpea/garbanzo bean at its finest. If you are not familiar with this tasty dip, it is simple to make and is very satisfying. Nutritionally, it is a great balance of carbohydrate and protein with some fat. How much fat is really up to you. You may choose to forego the olive oil, but it does add another layer of flavor to this savory dip. I’m not going to include a formal recipe because I find it is a matter of personal taste. Start with the basic ingredients and go from there. Food processor or Braun hand mixers are indispensible for making a smooth, creamy-textured dip.)

1 can Chickpeas (Garbanzo beans)
Water
Olive oil
Garlic
Tahini (sesame paste)
Salt and pepper
Lemon juice

The intensity of each flavor is really up to you. I personally like a lot of tahini in my hummus, but not so much as to make the dip bitter. Striking a good balance between the ingredients will result in a flavorful hummus that is not runny and has smooth texture to it. Also, add lemon juice carefully as it can easily overpower the other flavors.

3. Baked Chippy Goodness

I’ve eaten pretty much every baked chip under the sun and not all baked goods are equal. I’ve chosen to include some of my favorites – store-bought and homemade. These are my personal tastes and I do not claim that they taste the same as their full-fat or deep-fried counterparts. I choose baked stuff because I know it is better for me, not because it tastes better than the original. Also, be prepared to pay a little extra for these treats. What you won’t find in this list are products fried in low-fat oils/substitutes. If you wish to try these, do your research first, then form your own opinions. I do, however, cook with low-fat cooking sprays. I fully understand that some people regard these as the anti-christ of the cooking world. If you fall in that category, just get yourself an oil mister/spray bottle and use your favorite oil…sparingly, of course.

Make your own Baked Pita/Tortilla Chips – Whole wheat pita bread or tortillas cut into wedges, a little butter-flavored or olive oil flavored cooking spray, seasoning and baked at low heat for about 20 minutes. Easy, fresh and your guests will think you did a lot of work. Try using flavored flour tortilla shells to have homemade baked tortilla chips.

Tostitos Baked Tortilla chips – There are other brands out there, but none that live up to these little guys. Served out of the bag with your favorite dip or baked into a platter of nachos, these chips stay crisp! Some of the other baked chips out there taste okay when they’re made up as nachos, but they develop a rubbery, chewy texture after being baked again. Not so great.

Baked Lays Chips – These might remind you a little of Pringles sans-excess salt and fat. These even passed the taste test at my office full of deep-fried-eating-no-health-food men. A word of caution to those sensitive to MSG – Lays produces several different baked product lines, including Baked Cheetos and Baked Doritos and some do contain MSG. These are very tasty, but MSG gives me a tummy ache. Just be sure to read the ingredients before purchasing any of the flavored ones. If I recall, the BBQ and plain flavors are safe.

Flavored Mini Rice/Corn Cakes – I find that brand does not matter here, they’re pretty much the same as far as flavors go. Just be sure to read the labels for the cheese flavored ones – some are not as low fat as they might seem.

Kettle Bakes Potato Chips – If you want something that looks like a chip, feels like a chip but isn’t greasy, try these. They are super!

4. “…But what I really want my favorite, homemade [insert name of favorite baked goodie here]!!!”

Okay, okay…quit whining! If you really must have it, who am I to stop you? Before you break out the cookie sheets, loaf pans and muffin tins though, here are a couple of tricks (and their pitfalls) for substituting out sugar and fat in your recipes. Remember, with any substitution, the texture or consistency may be affected and may not be exactly as remembered. Also, I would avoid trying all of the substitutions all at once. Take a more scientific approach and try them one at a time. Ensure that you’re a good little scientist and take notes on how your goodie was different than before so you know what to expect next time you make it.

Cholesterol-free baking

1 whole egg = 2 egg whites

This one is by far the easiest to use or avoid. Yes, I said avoid. This substitution is ideal for pancakes, loaves,muffins, cakes (you get the idea), but not for custards and items depending on the emulsifying power of Mr. Egg Yolk. If you’re unsure it will work, chances are you’re right. An already cholesterol-free cake (usually) is Angel Food, which uses only egg-whites.

Lard/butter = vegetable shortening

Since there is no good source of cholesterol in the plant world, just ask the basic question: Is it animal or vegetable? The latter will always be safe for your cholesterol woes. It does, however, have just as much fat. So, don’t try to pawn your favorite pie off as health food just because you didn’t use butter or lard to make the crust.

Fat-free or reduced fat baking

Quantity of fat = 2 x quantity of applesauce/mashed bananas

If you didn’t get good grades in Math, use this example: 1/2 cup butter = 1 cup applesauce/mashed bananas. I have used the applesauce substitution more frequently than bananas with great success. Remember that applesauce and bananas add moisture to your batter and the end result will be a spongier one. I have made chocolate chip cookies using applesauce and they taste great, but they are softer and more cake-like. Also, if you try to use applesauce in a recipe that uses baking soda, your end result will have a slightly more pronounced baking soda/salty taste.

Dairy
Quantity of sour cream = quantity of fat-free sour cream/yogurt
Quantity of whole milk = quantity of buttermilk or skim milk

This one is pretty self-explanatory. All the taste with much less fat. You do have a choice!

*A word to the wise
I do not recomment the use of low-fat or reduced-fat margarine as an option for baking. The reason is that these generally have a much higher water content and will make baking, well, icky. Example: Have you ever spread some of that on a piece of toast? The end result is a piece of toasted bread that tastes like it’s been misted with buttery water. Gross.

Another one I’d avoid is light peanut-butter for making cookies. They just end up looking and tasting weird and don’t seem to bake properly. If you must have peanut-butter cookies (as one does, from time to time), make a batch of the real thing. Just eat one or two and throw the rest in the freezer. Better yet, throw two cookies in the oven and put the batter in the freezer. Makes it more labor intensive to eat a dozen cookies if you have to thaw the whole bucket of batter!

“Sugar..aw, honey-honey…you are my candy girl…”

If you want to be someone’s Sugar-Momma (or Daddy) without looking like a rotund lollipop, here are a few words about what’s out there.

Sucralose (aka Splenda)

For those of you anti-Splenda folks: move on, you’re in the wrong place – nothing for you to see here.
I love Splenda! This is my choice if I am going to substitute out the real thing. Its granulated texture allows you to go measure-for-measure with little to no error. Some recipes need minor adjustments, however there is a multitude of recipes on the Internet for baking using Splenda.

Honey

Popular amongst many for baking, I have limited experience with using honey as a substitute for granulated sugar. I found a website that does offer the more complicated substitution details, as well as some other baking tips. I have not tried their recommendations, so use your own judgement.

Stevia

It comes from plants, can be purchased in liquid or granulated form and if used too liberally, will give anything a sickly sweet taste. I’ve never tried baking with it other than adding stevia-sweetened chocolate protein powder to pancakes. That did go well, but I ended up using the rest of the protein powder in that way because I couldn’t handle the taste of it on its own as a protein shake.

Fruit Juice, Maple Syrup, etc.

Yes, these do steer you away from what some think is the evil of refined white sugar. Please remember though that sugar is sugar. Fructose, honey and maple syrup are still sugars, just in a different form. If you’re trying to reduce calories, my bet is still on Sucralose. I invite you to form your own opinions and experiment at will.



AvocadosGorgeous hair, sensational skin and a satisfied tummy? No, it’s not shampoo or a monster bag of movie popcorn. It’s the wunderkind of all fruits – the Avocado. If you’d like to skip my enlightening comments, I suggest you go straight to the “I eat avos” section of the Australian Avocados website. The link can be found in my Blogroll. Don’t forget to get your beauty recipes while you’re there. There are countless sites that are all about avocados out there, but I found this site to be more fun and interactive than others. (FYI: the last time I popped the word “avocado” into my favorite search engine, it turned up almost 10 million results!) Now, is it really worth my time to write a whole Food for thought segment? You bet your granny-panties and boxer shorts on it!

It’s loaded with fat…

This little guy often has the dark cloud of “fattening” hanging over his head. However, his monounsaturated fat is the kind that will help you lose yours. Satisfying and full of fibre, adding an avocado to your diet will help you steer clear of your favorite greasy snack.

Rock hard Avo? Just go bananas!

Follow the link above for an excellent fruit selection guide. If you don’t believe the bit about cozying your avos up to bananas, let me tell you a little story. Before doing some serious reading on my favorite snack, I had a couple of avocados at home that were too hard to eat. So, I put them next to the bananas in the fruit dish on my counter and didn’t give them another thought for the better part of a week. I grabbed one for a snack one day and noticed how soft it was. The next day, I went to get the other one only to find my little bumpy friend sporting a beard. Now knowing that Mr. Avo goes weak in the knees for Ms. B, I am buying fruit that are very firm so I can soften them at will. They keep in the refrigerator quite well without going soft as fast as when they’re with their yellow-skinned friends.

Mirror, mirror…

These days, there are more beauty products containing some form of the avocado than I could possibly mention. Do you need to buy these products to receive the benefits? No! Just go to the supermarket and buy some avocados and test out a couple of home-spun concoctions…and have a snack at the same time. Again, there are some great tips and recipes on the Australian Avocados website, under “Beauty” (and that’s what you’ll be when you’re finished pampering yourself – a real beauty!).

A word of caution… (a.k.a. Covering my Ass)

Please remember that adventures are always exciting, however, the best adventures are the ones where no one gets hives! If you have never eaten and avocado or used it as a beauty treatment, remember to do a patch/sensitivity test before embarking on a three-day avocado spa binge. Also, if you have any four-legged friends or other pets, please be aware that avocados are toxic to non-humans! (Please see “Toxicity” at the Wiki for Avocados.)



{September 30, 2006}   Food for thought…Part 1

Nutrition is a very complex subject and one that I do not claim to be an expert in. I must say though, that I have a solid grasp (through some formal education and a lifetime of reading) on what should and should not go into my body. Having said that, I know many individuals whose grasp on the subject is as firm as a tub of Jell-o.

Example of what not to do for weight loss:

1. Two or three large meals per day.
It’s called portion control, people. Small, frequent meals (read: 5 or 6 small meals) will stimulate your appetite and keep you feeling more energetic than a large meal will. If you keep feeding the fire with small logs, you’ll get a consistent flame. Put a whole tree-trunk on the fire…you get the picture. The idea is to keep the fire stoked, not choked.

2. A high-fat, no carb, high-protein heart-attack “diet”. Bacon is not the miracle weight-loss food.
Let’s get one thing straight before we go any further…”diet” is not something you go on for a while, it is what you eat every day. This is for those on one of those high-protein, low carbohydrate “diet” that encourages ketosis (you know who you are). Your “diet” is whatever you eat. First, do some research on ketosis – it could save your life. Second, carbohydrates are necessary for your body and brain to function. Without them, you’ll have the brain power of your favorite house plant and the personality to match. The only things I would suggest avoiding are large quantities of refined sugar and highly processed foods (packaged meals and sauces). These should be kept to a minimum as they often contain excess salt, MSG and preservatives. Eat fresh food – you are what you eat!

3. Don’t be ignorant. Know what you’re eating.
Years ago when I was a server in a restaurant, I had a table of “Ladies Who Lunch” dine in my section. Their conversation steered its way to what were the healthier things they could have on the menu. The largest of the ladies looked at her friends with a big, I-know-the-best-answer smile and proceeded to order. “I’ll have the large Caesar salad…with a couple of extra sides of dressing.” This restaurant’s Caesar salad, which is probably one of the tastiest in any restaurant, comes with a slab of focaccia large enough to sink the Titanic. Since I had been privy to their discussion, as they had kept me at their table for 10 minutes while they debated the virtues of fries over creamy clam chowder (during a very busy lunch hour), I felt as though I had earned my say in her choice. The restaurant in question has a very regimented training program that involves each server knowing exactly what goes into each menu item. So, I took the liberty of telling Loud-Know-It-All woman “if you’re debating fries or that salad, you’re almost better off going with the fries! Do you know what is in that dressing?” I then proceeded to educate her about the virtues of Caesar salad dressing. If you didn’t know, the usual main ingredients are eggs and oil. By the way, that’s what you find in mayonnaise, too. So, she was not happy at being proven wrong in front of her LWL. Really, the fries were probably healthier in that particular instance. Did you know that one egg yolk contains approximately 8 grams of fat and more that the RDA of cholesterol? Nothing against eggs, just know what you’re eating and how much of it.

4. Stop kidding yourself: One hour of excercise is not equal to one tub of ice cream.
I believe in having a cheat day, or not giving up your favorite little treat. Just remember to put it into perspective. If you spend all of your time in the gym and go home, only to drink a 6-pack of beer and eat tv dinners every day, what do you think will happen? Umm…again – review the title of #4.

5. I can’t <enter excuse here>…
If you say you can, you will. If you say you can’t, you won’t. Who’s fault is that? Nobody but yours. I didn’t see anyone duct-tape your ass to your desk and force-feed you that Krispy Kreme you had for breakfast….

Parting remarks for Part 1
You only get one shot at this…only one body for your whole life. Imagine yourself, 10 years from now. What do you see? This is not just about body-image and being a size 0. This is your health and quality of life we’re talking about.



et cetera