Okay, so I thought I was done but it seems that I have this overwhelming desire to release more old relationship toxins. My future spouse has been extremely kind at helping me work through the latest dramas. I still feel as though I need to get the last bit of it out in this format.
Both of my pets are “its” . From them I fully expect to have gauged and perhaps even androgynous reactions to what troubles them. My female is much more the alpha than the male, to whom I affectionately refer as the “Nutless Wonder”. It appears that even my neutered male still has more balls than my coward of an ex.
Let me put this out there. If someday in the future, for whatever reason, you feel that you need to change your relationship with an ex, or even a friend – have the balls to speak to that person. Over the phone or in person – it doesn’t matter. I have had it with one-sided, unaccountable, cowardly people who cannot seem to pick up the phone to tell me how they feel.
I really believe that I am not a scary person. In fact, I have been told that I am even too nice! However, a certain formerly significant male from my past could not bring himself to return phone calls or emails with any dignity. Alas, my only reward for spending the last two years walking on eggshells around this person is a Nastygram. Although not the nastiest piece of literature I’ve ever encountered, or had directed at me personally, the implied nastiness was received loud and clear.
I received said piece of email well over a month ago. I have pondered and posited long enough. I have come to the realization that, as in my relationship with this person, I am ever disposable and inconvenient. Yes, for the length of my relationship it was proven to me over and over that I was only to be rewarded with any form attention when it was convenient for the other party. The countless broken dates and evenings spent by my lonesome escaped his radar, never to be recalled or accounted for.
Enough, I say! Enough of being the bad person from the time our relationship ended. I will not have it any longer. I am a person, I am truly loved by someone who deserves me (and I him) and I still have my dignity.
The email, by the way, went unanswered. This Nutless Wonder does not feel that I can be a part of his life any longer – so be it. Why should I grovel at the feet of someone I ended a relationship with? I had already spent half a dozen years groveling at those very same feet and did not feel I needed to do so any longer. Was this his way of trying to entice one last bout of friendly subservience? Too bad. This fish isn’t biting.
