No, I’m not talking about padded bras or shoulder pads. I’m talking about the fat padding my ass, my stomach and my life. A few years ago I began a journey to find my “happy”. In the process, I quit my job, got divorced and moved to a different city. Like the moving blankets that protected my belongings in the moving truck, the padding I carried around prevented further bruising of my spirit. It also prevented my spirit from being lifted out of the sadness and feelings of being left behind by people who I once thought were my friends.

Lucky for me, it was in the cards that I also met Mr. Wonderful. I understand that few are as lucky as I am to have been blessed with another opportunity to share my life with someone special. I was driving along the other day when I made a very important connection. I had unpacked a lot of stuff and cleaned house, but I hadn’t unpacked myself. I still had my padding, just in case someone or something should come along and try to scratch my finish. Who knows why I’ve kept it around for this long, but until I acknowledged why it was still there, it wasn’t going anywhere.

All of my wanting to lose weight and become the slinky, sexy goddess I remember from years ago would be pointless. Pointless, that is, until I had the strength to reach in, deep down in my soul and give myself permission to let it go. I realized that I didn’t need, didn’t want to be padded from my life anymore. Why would I want to have anything separating me from the man I love? That’s when I decided…no more padding.

There is a difference between saying you want to lose the weight and understanding why it is still there. I am speaking only for myself here. I know that many people struggle with physiological barriers to weight loss, but for most it is another emotional burden that hasn’t been released. Let’s relate it to self-defense. It’s only natural to protect oneself from harm, but what if the danger is gone and you are still on the lookout for an attack? Paranoid much? That is what I am talking about. Acknowledging that I am out of danger and it is time to come out of the bunker and start living.

No more padding.

Spring is being completely obtuse in my neck of the woods. All I want to do is run. Run outside with the wind in my hair and dry ground beneath my runners. Of course, Spring has other plans.

Yesterday was the most glorious day. Went for a long walk and basked in the sun all the while. Today? Grey, gloomy and rainy with a 100% chance of snow overnight (at least 10cm/3″ of it). I’m a big skier and all, but there is plenty of snow still in the mountains where it belongs! We don’t need anymore in the city. I was even getting so excited about open-toed shoes on Saturday that I started primping my tootsies, only to shove them unceremoniously into thick socks this morning.

With my impending nuptuals less than six months away, I have some serious running and weights to do. I have been staying relatively on-track with my clean eating and have managed to lose a few inches. Since “the dress” came home, I steeled my resolve to not be the blushing butterball on my special day. However, my love for chocolate cake did prevail yesterday and I enjoyed a gorgeous piece on my non-cheat day.

My attempt at using the fitness room at work today in lieu of being outside was pitiful. I lasted about 15 minutes in the dust-infested, non-ventilated, cramped room in the basement of my office. That dust-hole is too unbearable right now, so unless they send the cleaners in there I think I’ll have to scrap that plan. The best part was the fumes while someone was moving palettes with the forklift. Fan-*!@#&%*-tastic. Not to mention that I’m not sure when the shower room was last swept. Even better. Really, it’s not that I don’t have any other means of doing cardio. It simply would have been so convenient to workout at lunch.  Oh well – I tried. Time for a piece of cake…